Australia, they answer when I ask them where they are headed for this time. And we will be away for 2 months - it’s a long way, they add. It could be a lot worse I think. I have to water their plants once a week and start their car once a week, not onerous tasks which I am happy to do. It’s the third part of this deal that worries me. They have one of these sophisticated burglar alarm systems that goes off at the drop of a hat or a stray cat or even a bird zooming in too close as far as I can make out. The alarm then calls the alarm company who call me in turn to ask if everything is alright and can I check to make sure there are no burglars. I hate this. Last time they traveled I spent hours at my neighbor’s computer, gambling online and waiting for an all clear from the alarm company who reset the system from their workshop.

It happens on the third night of their trip. 3 am. The phone goes, I leap out of bed and a voice tells me that the alarm is going indicating that someone has broken in at my neighbors. Can I please investigate? I grab my baseball bat and go next door, terrified that I will meet someone with a knife or a gun. Nothing. Now I have to wait for the all clear and they have 20 other emergencies running. Can I please be patient? I fire up my neighbor’s computer and log into an online casino and am soon in a game of roulette. I drop $50 chips at random. No luck. I try it again with $20 chips – it may be a long night and I have a limited credit balance. Nothing. This time I make with $10 chips and I hit a number. I win $350. I’m ahead. Back to the $50 chips. I hit again. This time I win $1,750. Another spin, another hit and another $1,750. The online casino is starting to look good and I hope the alarm company doesn’t call. I spin again and make another hit. Again another spin and another hit. Is this boring or what? I am raking in the money. I am on a roll - whatever I do is right. Please alarm company, forget about calling me.

Posted on: December 26, 2007

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